Two.

DREW IS TWO!

Weight: 25ish pounds (we go to the doctor on the 15th)

Height: At least 33 inches. I know this because you had to be at least 32 inches to ride Autopia at Disneyland and you exceeded the sign by an inch, if not more.

Clothing size: 24 months in sets / 2T in shirts / 18 months in pants / 7 shoes

Potty Training: You are just about there, little man. You are still trying to figure out how to use the pull ups, but as far as the potty goes, you have it completely mastered. So proud of you!

Eating: You are exactly like your dad when it comes to eating... you love everything, but you are rarely hungry and have zero interest in sitting down to eat. There are days where your only source of food comes from me chasing you around, shoving it in your mouth every chance I get. You boys!

Sleep: You have been sleeping through the night since you were 15 months old, right around the time dad and I got a little bit of our sanity back. :)

Milestones: Seriously? What aren't you doing these days? You communicate with us so well; most of the time in complete, understandable sentences, but every now and then you'll get really passionate about something and go off on a rant in a language only you understand. You count to twelve- yes, twelve- often times only counting the odd numbers, which we find strange incredible. You love knowing what everything is and ask us 'Wasssat ting?' close to a hundred times a day. You are such a parrot and repeat e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g we say. Everything. We have to ask you questions over and over again until you finally realize we want an answer, at which point you'll give us. The other day I asked you 'what color is this?' only to have you repeat 'color is dis?'. Finally after the fifth time asking (and you repeating) you said 'ohhhh. issss bue.' You make us laugh, Drew. As far as physical development, you have grown leaps and bounds this year. You have gotten so much taller, and are such a great little athlete. You began doing summersalts at about 15 months, at which point I immediately called to put you into a gymnastics class in Hanford. We go every Tuesday and you absolutely love it. You are currently learning how to do a back roll. You have all of your teeth and are currently cutting your two year molars.

Holidays/Events: You were a monkey this year for Halloween and dad & I were bananas. We took you to Disneyland last week (12/4-5) and you absolutely loved it. The image of your eyes lit up with wonder will be engrained in my heart & soul forever.

Dislikes: Sticky hands. Things out of order. When the dogs eat your food. Getting out of the bath. Sleeping with blankets.

Loves: Making people laugh. Spiderman. Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Motorcycles. Grandparents. Cars. Trucks. Singing (Jingle Bells is your current fave). Fruit ropes. Mandarin oranges. Hot dogs. Dark chocolate. Drinking coffee (hot chocolate) when you wake up. Looking at Christmas lights. 'Driving'. Bath time. Gymnastics. Jumping on your bed. Jumping on anything. Bubby the Elf. Balloons. Outside. Drawing.


______________________________________________________________________

Dear Drew,

I know it sounds cliche to say 'I can't believe it,' but I just really can't. You are two, sweet boy. Two.

The past two years of your life have been the absolute best of mine. Your dad & I are completely infatuated with you, and here are a few reasons why.

You are fierce. Everything you do, you do wholeheartedly with a passion like I've never seen. The simple act of walking is rarely an option these days. If you have a place you want to go, you run your fastest to get there, arms swinging forcefully. And don't even get me started on your love for play-wrestling with your dad. It is easily one of my favorite sights to see. Your scrunched up 'wrestle face' is one for the books. You go full speed in all that you do and I hope you never stop.

Your passion for life is infectious. My dream for you is to do something one day that will allow you to fuel that passion, not dim it.

You are vocal. From knowing how to say a handful of words to communicating with us in complete sentences, you are coming close to mastering this whole speaking thing. A few of my favorite sentences that you've said clearly are 1.) 'Broccoli smells like farts' (you can thank your dad for that one) 2.) 'Mama turn on hot water peez' (it was one of your longest to date and it sounded so sweet and grown up) AND 3.) 'I love you, so much, so much' (I just die every time). I will never tire of listening to you speak, Drew Cohen, it is my favorite sound in the world.

Our words are one of our most powerful tools in this life. I pray you never underestimate the power of your voice; what you have to say is worth hearing. Always rember that.

You are kind. You say please & thank you. You bow your head to pray. You give hugs and kisses if you think someone is sad or hurt. You say your sorry. You care for everything around you, even the plants and animals. One of my fondest memories of you this year is the day you found a snail in the backyard. I am terrified of snails, so when you picked it up I ran away screaming and begged 'no, no, put it down.' You got a kick out of my terror, and then after a few moments I could tell that you were bothered by the fact that I was scared of such a disgusting harmless creature. You gently grabbed my hand and said 'isss okay. Mama do it?' and you softly placed the snail on the top of my hand against my will. As much as I wanted to flick it off and scream, I kept it there because the look of satisfaction in your eyes was worth it. You had helped me overcome a fear of mine and you knew it. You just want everyone to be loved and be happy. Your heart is the purest of them all.

Kindness changes attitudes, changes lives, and has the power to change the world. Be kind at all costs and you will always win no matter what the outcome may be.

......

Drew. I could spend all day writing out individual traits about you that I adore, because I love every single thing about you.  Being your mom is my greatest joy, my finest accomplishment, my hearts desire. You are all my dreams come to life.

The greatest display of God's love for me is you.

I love you so much, handsome. You have displayed nothing but patience, grace, and love towards your dad and I as we've navigated through our first years of parenthood; failing miserably many times. You have taught us so much about life and the way that we should live it, and opened our eyes to a whole new world we never knew existed. Thank you.

You are a treasure from heaven, Drew Cohen. I can't wait to see all that year two has in store for you.

I love you to the moon, little buddy.

xo Mama

How lucky I am.

On July 5th I got a positive pregnancy test after 3 cycles of trying to conceive. We were ecstatic. Andrew and Drew are both December babies, and me and this new little peanut were going to share March as our birth month...it was going to be perfect! Within the week we told family and close friends, and their excitement was overwhelming. Since I had found out so early, I had to wait three weeks before my first doctors appt. To make time go a bit faster, I asked my friend Ashley to take 'big brother' pics of Drew, and a few bump pics every 4 weeks so that I could properly document this pregnancy (the only pics I had being pregnant with Drew were bathroom selfies- half of which the toilet seat was up).

After what seemed like forever, it was finally time for our first appt. We were nervous, but so relieved to see our perfect little dot of a baby with a bright flickering heartbeat. My doctor turned up the volume so we could hear the galloping sound of our babies beating heart. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of life, especially when it's nestled snug inside of you. Baby measured 6w1d and looked healthy as can be, so we scheduled an appt for exactly 3 weeks later, and after a stop at Target, we headed home.

The following week passed slowly, that is, until one of my very best friends, Karissa, text me a picture of her positive pregnancy test! She had recently gone through a miscarriage, so this was huge, and I was so, so excited! Talks of baby names, nursery designs, and announcement ideas brought me quickly into week 8 of my pregnancy. Baby was now the size of a raspberry, and since there was still a heartbeat, my chance of miscarriage dropped to less than 5%.

I'm typically a pretty private person. I'm not huge on sharing personal, life events through social media, only because it feels so impersonal and disconnected, but I had the cutest announcement picture of Drew reading a 'big brother' book, and less than 5% seemed like pretty good odds, so I decided to share our exciting news with everyone through Instagram. The response from everyone was overwhelming. I'm not a crier, but I actually cried at how many people truly loved and supported us and we're genuinely happy for our family.

Something I was so against doing ended up feeling more right than anything. Now, looking back, I think it was God's way of setting me up to be open and honest with those I'm not comfortable being open and honest with- myself included. His way of pushing me out of my comfort zone. His way of growing me, tearing down my previous boundaries, and making new ones.

Two days after I posted our pregnancy announcement, Karissa miscarried her precious baby. My heart was shattered. It just didn't make sense. Why her? Why twice in a row? With each tear of sorrow I cried for her, I cried a tear of thankfulness for the precious life growing perfectly inside of me.

After that, week 8 seemed to fly by. Maybe it was the exhaustion of knowing someone I loved was in more emotional pain than I could begin to imagine, or maybe it was the anticipation of my quickly approaching 9w1d appointment. Either way, Monday rolled around and I felt like an 5 year old on Christmas Eve. I could hardly sleep I was so excited.

Andrew decided to stay and work, since this was just a basic, routine appt. We already knew the baby had a heartbeat. I'd had no signs of anything alarming, and the chances of anything going wrong now were between 2-3%. I picked up my mom, and we headed to Fresno, arriving right on time for my appointment. They called me back right away, and within five minutes she began doing the ultrasound. I immediately saw our perfect, much larger than last time baby, with it's huge head, tiny little arm and leg nubs. It looked exactly like Drew had at that gestation, but after a few seconds I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. The baby wasn't moving, at all, and I couldn't see a flicker of anything where the heart should have been. Before my mind could race too far, I felt my doctor softly touch my leg, and I knew. She didn't have to say a word, but I listened as she spoke as tenderly as she knew how. 'I'm not seeing a heartbeat right now, Rhea. I'm so sorry.' The room went silent. I stared at my perfect little green olive, measuring exactly 9w1d. I didn't understand.

She explained to me that she was 99.9% positive it was a heart defect, as the 9th week is most common for things of that sort to surface. But, I didn't care. I didn't care what it was. I would have given it my heart. I would have done anything. I still would. I just wanted it back. I prayed that God would intervene, that it would miraculously start beating again, and I believed with every fiber of my being that it would. But, it didn't. It was oner, and I was crushed.


The rest of the day consisted of crying more tears than I had ever cried in my entire life combined. I felt sorry for Andrew, for Drew, and for myself. I begged God to give our baby back to us. I didn't care if it had something wrong with it or not, I wanted this baby, the one inside of me this very second. I didn't understand.

The image of my perfect baby has yet to leave my mind, and I know that it never will. Whether my eyes are opened or closed, it's all that I can see. I woke up three times throughout the night wondering if maybe it had all been a dream, but I knew deep down it wasn't.

I will soon be having a D&C done to bring this journey to a close. Much different than the ending I had hoped for, which consisted of me snuggling a tiny, warm newborn in my arms. The only comfort I have throughout all of this is knowing without a shadow of a doubt that when I leave this Earth I will be greeted by the most beautiful baby boy or girl at the gates of Heaven. Until then, I'll miss and think of you every single day.




I think we all live as if we're invincible. I know I do, anyways. I make plans for next week and next year because I KNOW that I'm going to be here. Some nights I go to bed in the middle of a fight with someone I love, because I KNOW that we'll both wake up in the morning. I plan exactly when I want to have my babies, because I KNOW that I can get pregnant when I feel like it. When I'm pregnant I plan out names and nurseries, because I KNOW that I'm going to deliver a perfectly healthy baby at 40 weeks. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that the only thing I KNOW is that I don't know anything past this exact moment, and as scary as that is, it's okay.

We are all guilty of getting caught up in the petty things, especially when it comes to pregnancy and babies.
I don't want a baby during the holidays, because who wants to share their birthday with Christmas.
I want a girl because I already have a boy.
I want a boy because I already have a girl.
How dare she name her kid that, that was my name!
I hope the baby has blue eyes.
I hope it has curly hair.
You get the picture, I could go on for days.

Before this, I was guilty of stressing over similar things, and for that I'm utterly ashamed. I'd give anything for my baby to just be alive like it was three days ago. I'd give anything to see Drew run and play with his baby brother or sister years from now. Anything.

I don't know why these things happen, but I do know that if me going through this means one less person has to know the devastation and gut wrenching heartache losing a baby brings, then so be it. I have never experienced such excruciating pain in my life, and my heart goes out to all of you who can relate.

I used to question why bad things happen to good people, but I now realize that being a good person does not make you a better person. It doesn't make you immune to the hardships and trials life throws at us. It doesn't re route your path when it begins to get rough and windy. We don't get a badge of honor or a plaque of acknowledgment. The only privilege to facing the bad as a good person is perception. We see the light. Maybe not right away, maybe not even within seeing distance, but we know it's there. And because of the good within us, we will find it.

One.

Dear Drew,

You are officially one, sweet boy, and what an incredible first year of life you have lived. 

From the moment you were placed in my arms I knew that life would never be the same. Because of you our days are brighter, our laughter's louder, and our love's stronger than we could have ever imagined.

Somewhere amongst the sleepless nights, homemade purees, and first steps, you transformed from our little 6 lb 11 oz baby into a little boy. A little boy that your dad and I could not be any more proud of. 

It is impossible to put into words the amount of joy you have brought to our lives this past year. You have grown into a nature loving, bird watching, song singing, open mouth kissing, belly laughing, break dancing, doggy door escaping, chair climbing, dog feeding, goldfish eating, mamas boy with your daddy's dimples and a smile that could light up the world.

My handsome boy, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being patient with us this first year as daddy and I navigated through this whole 'parenthood' thing. You made it easy on us. You really did. 

We will never understand how God saw us as worthy of being your parents, but we are so thankful that He did. You are the absolute best thing that has ever happened to us.  You are everything good in the world. Everything good in us.

Happy first birthday, Drew Cohen! May this next year be as amazing as your first. 

We love you so much more than you could ever begin to imagine! 

Mom & Dad

12 Month Stats

Weight: 18ish pounds

Height: 27ish inches (we'll know more at your 1 year check up on the 26th).

Clothing size: 6-12 & 12

Diaper size: size 3, forever. 

Feeding: You will eat just about anything. You aren't a huge fan of sweets (you hardly touched the smash cake at your birthday party), but you love berries of all sorts. Your snack of choice is goldfish or graham crackers- you'd live off of them if I let you. Oh, and you don't want to eat anything unless you are able to feed it to yourself, so mealtime has become quite the mess. We are on our way to weaning you, although you haven't seemed too find of whole milk the three times we've tried to give it to you. Hopefully you'll transition fully soon. 

Milestones: You are talking a lot these days. You say 'hot, mama, dada, hi, ba (ball), woof, and moo.' You blow on your food before taking a bite (you even blew out the candle on your birthday cake). You blow bubbles in the bath, and think it's the coolest thing in the world (so do I). Oh, and you recently started feeding the dogs the food you don't want to eat. Bad boy! 

Loves: The great outdoors- always have, and if you're as similar to your daddy as I think you are, you always will. Playing chase around the couch. Blowing your vovo's whistle. Pops. Throwing the ball to Lovi. Petting Levi. Playing in the bath. Climbing. Goldfish. When daddy comes home from work- you squeal with excitement and run to him to pick you up. And, of course, your mama. It's the best! 

Dislikes: Anything sticky on your hands (peanut butter or frosting). Not being able to go outside without shoes, a jacket, and a hat on. Shoes. Jackets. Hats. When Lovi steals crackers out of your hands. When daddy leaves for work. When we put the cover on the doggy door so you can't escape. When mama tells you no. 

Adventures: Mema and a Pops have a big blow up Santa in their front yard and you love going over to see him. You love the park, and interacting with older kids. Also- story time at the library. I'm taking you this week or next to get your pictures with the real Santa- hope you like him as much as the blow up one! 

Mommy and Daddy could not get through the month without: Energy. Lots and lots of energy was required to keep up with you this past month. ;)

We love you Drew!!!

Six.

Six months. Just writing those words and saying them aloud in my head feels wrong. How did half a year pass by so quickly? It was just yesterday that I saw my sweet boy for the first time. Just yesterday that I snuggled his 6 pound body to my chest and gave him the first kiss of his life. I can still smell him. Still hear his newborn cry. Still feel my heart overflowing with love. It really was just yesterday, wasn't it?

Maybe in reality, 6 precious months have flown by, but in my heart it will always be 'just yesterday'. There will forever be a piece of my heart living in the moment he was placed in my arms, it's clock willingly stuck at 11:51am on December 11, 2012. It's so ironic that a moment in time he will never remember is one that I will never forget.

Watching Drew transform from a tiny, squishy infant into a babbling, laughing, crawling 6 month old has been the greatest joy of my life. The love Andrew and I have for our perfect, sweet boy is out of this world, and continues to grow stronger each and every day. We can only thank God for seeing us as worthy of caring for such an amazing little person.

Drew's 6 Month Update:

Height/Weight: He doesn't have his 6 month checkup until the end of the month, so in the mean time I've been weighing him on the scale with me, which probably is just as good as me throwing a number out there, but whatev. On the scale with me he is weighing around 15 pounds.

Routine: What's that?

Sleeping: Drew is a champion in the sleep department (just like his mama). He has been sleeping through the night for quite some time now. We co sleep at night, but he's been taking his naps in his crib.

Eating: He has been eating a one ounce cube (once a day) of homemade pureed veggies since five months old. I can't wait to start feeding him 3 times a day and introducing him to new foods. Also- I bought one of the mesh feeders the other day and put organic apple in it- he ate it up...literally. He loves food, again... just like his mama.

Sizes: We're in 6-9 month clothes now! As far as diapers go, we're still in size 2.

Personality: Drew is an optimist. An adventurer. A dreamer. A lover. He truly is all things good in life. I have never met a baby as happy as he is. If he doesn't have a smile on his face it's because he is overtired or hungry, which isn't that often. He is such a fun little guy!

Milestones: What isn't Drew doing? Let's see... he is laughing at everything (me, the dogs, the tv, our food... you name it, he thinks it's funny). Crawling everywhere...literally everywhere...it's insane. Pulling himself up on things just started yesterday. It's amazing, yet frightening. While watching him conquer each of these milestones makes my heart overflow with pride, it also makes me sad that he is growing so fast.

What do you do at home ALL day?!?!

Since I've had Drew I seem to get this question quite a bit. Some ask out of genuine curiosity as to how our day unfolds while others are really asking 'how do you not go insane at home, all day, everyday with an infant?'. I decided to outline our daily routine not only for those of you who are interested, but more so as a reminder for myself in the future when the next little nugget comes along. Keep in mind that this is what our ideal days look like.

8:30a
Drew wakes up. He's pretty consistent with his wake up time, which is nice. When he wakes up we spend a good 15 minutes snuggling, chatting, and singing. He's such a happy morning person- I love it! If we had a really good night, I'll get up before him and have some alone time (shower, watch GMA, and sip slowly on some decaf coffee). However, most days I get up when he does.

8:45
Change diaper, put on lotion, comb his hair (his fave), and put on his clothes for the day. If I'm still in my pajamas, I'll go back to bed to feed him, otherwise I'll feed him in the living room.

9-9:20 Drew eats. He's still exclusively breastfed, so this is sometimes shorter, sometimes longer... Ya never know.

9:20-9:35 I'll lay him in his pack n' play with his toys and put on the 'Raffi' pandora station and let him play alone. This is when I eat breakfast, put on workout clothes, brush my teeth, and comb my hair. If it's a day that I woke up earlier and those things are done, I'll do a quick chore.

9:35-10:00 Morning walk. I'll give him a toy and play music on my phone. He loves it!

10-10:30 Mommy & Drew learning time. I have a cute little Munchkin flash card book that I'll do with him. Letters, animals, numbers, colors, shapes...all the basics in English and Spanish (I try my best!). I just prop him up in his Boppy and he is intrigued the whole time. The flash cards only take about 5 minutes, then we'll play with his toys. He's rolling completely over now and figuring out that he can move, so a lot of the time is spent with him experimenting with movement. It's so fun to watch!

10:30-11:15 I'll put Drew in his bouncer in the bathroom while I shower. He loves playing peek a boo, so I'll just poke my head out every few minutes and he thinks it's hilarious. I'll dry off, get dressed, do my makeup, and IF he's still happy in his bouncer I'll blow dry my hair. If not, I let it air dry and that's that.

11:15-11:30 I feed Drew in his room in the glider after I change him. I shut the blinds so it's dark, and he almost always falls asleep for his first nap of the day.

11:30-12:30 Nap/cleaning time. I'll lay him in his crib and he'll sleep anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half (and many times he'll wake up as soon as I lay him down). I take this time to make Andrew and I lunch, make the bed, start some laundry, and pick up around the house. Because his nap times vary, I can either get everything or nothing done. It just depends.

12:30-1:30 Andrew is usually on his lunch break during this time, which is awesome. Whoever gets Drew from his nap will change him and play with him while the other one eats lunch. Then we switch and repeat.

1:30-1:45 I'll put on a tv show that I missed from the night before while I feed Drew in the living room.

1:45-3:00 Since he's usually wide awake, we'll use this time to run errands, pay bills, go to the grocery store, etc. However, if we don't have any of that to do, we'll go see a friend or visit my mom at work for a while.

3-3:30 If Drew is content playing by himself on his play mat, I'll put on my exercise clothes and ride my spin bike until he starts fussing. Otherwise, I'll lay on the floor and do crunches and push ups. If he just wants to be held, I'll do squats while I hold him. If all else fails, we just play.

3:30-4 I'll change him and feed him in his room again. Most days he'll fall asleep again for his second nap.

4-5 While Drew naps, I'll get dinner ready. If he doesn't go down for a nap, I'll put him in his activity saucer in the kitchen with me. Either way, this is when dinner gets prepped.

5-6 Andrew gets home during this time and we eat... Most of the time together at the dinner table while Drew is in his bouncer, but sometimes we have to take turns.

6-6:30 Drew eats in the living room.

6:30-8:00 Daddy and Drew play time. While they play, I clean up the kitchen, and finish any chores that I started but didn't finish. If I didn't get a chance to workout earlier, I'll do it during this time. Some days I don't feel like doing anything but playing with my boys, so on those days I'll do just that.

8:00-8:45 Bath time! We take a bath together, so when Drew is done Andrew will come get him while I relax by myself for a few minutes. He puts on Drews lotion, gives him a massage with baby massage cream (lucky boy!), combs his hair, puts on his jammies, and reads him a story. This gives me time to get myself ready for bed as well, and we're usually done at the same time, so it works really well for us.

8:45-9:15 Drew eats and falls asleep for the night while I pray and sing to him. This is my favorite part of our day :)

9:15-10 If we're not too tired Andrew and I will have some alone time while Drew sleeps. We usually sit and talk or just watch tv together, or we don't do either ;). Whatever it is, I cherish this alone time, and I'm pretty sure he does too.

9:15-8:30 Sleepy time! Some nights Drew never wakes, while others he wakes once around 3am. Either way, this is the end and start of our day.

And that, my friends, is what I do all day.

:)

IG Shops...

Up until a month ago, Instagram was nothing more than an app on my iPhone that I could use to share an obscene amount of pictures on. That all changed when my good friend, Karissa, told me that there were shops on Instagram that had some pretty adorable baby clothes on.

I was immediately hooked, and became so obsessed with these shops that I opened my own. Whether you are a parent or not, you know how fast kids grow out of their darling clothes. Instead of packing them up or donating them, it's nice to make a couple bucks off of them by simply posting a picture on Instagram... Whoever started doing this is a genius! I have bought clothes not only for drew, but for myself as well, and have been nothing but pleased with what I've received. Do yourself a favor and go check out these shops, or if you are feeling adventurous open one yourself! Let me know if you have any questions, otherwise here is a list of my faves:


Baby Shops:
maxs_closet
liams_wardrobe (baby/toddler boy)
carterscloset (baby boy)
gapobsessed (cute headbands for girls)
lovedbyhannahandeli (custom leggings)
shopholeinmypocket (baby, boy, and girl)
dapperduds (baby/toddler boy. Some girl)
my_childrens_closet (baby boy & girl)
littleonesclothing (baby boy & girl)
paisleyjune (baby girl)
reinascloset (baby/toddler girl)
fromblakewithlove (baby/toddler boy)
girlwiththecurlshop (baby girl)
froufroubleu (baby/toddler boy)
paytons_closet (baby/toddler girl)
thedappermister (baby boy)
thevidocollection (baby, boy, and girl)
bahlbabiesclothes (baby/toddler boy)
shopmilascloset (baby girl and women's)
lemonsandlace (headbands/bows)
frances_bluebird (everything)
sugarhouseseconds (baby boy and girl)
theurbanowl (the cutest little girl and mommy headbands/baby boy bow ties)

My fave for myself:
raincitycloset (women's clothes/accessories)
mypolkadotshop (women's clothes)
shopmilascloset (women's shoes)

Love defined.

Over the past (nearly) 4 months, the word 'love' has been completely redefined and brought to life in ways I could never have fully imagined.

When I first began dating Andrew I fell hard and fast. After a few dates I began having strong, unfamiliar feelings towards him; feelings that my naive fifteen year old mind perceived as love. I'm not saying that I didn't love him or that my feelings were wrong, just that they were new emotions that my then-self couldn't quite figure out how to deal with or navigate through.

My teenage self believed love to be about power and control. If he did what I said, he loved me. If I did what he said, he'd never leave. This mentality did more bad than good to our relationship (surprise!) and the 'love' that we had became dangerous, volatile, really. By the time our relationship hit its all time low, there was a new change heading our way. It was time for Andrew and I to head our separate ways as I left for college, and as I said goodbye to him I knew that things with him would never be the same.

By the second semester of my freshmen year I had fallen in love all over again, this time with myself. Up until this point I had never realized how little I knew about the person I was...the person I wanted to be. I was nineteen, taking 21 units, and working full time at Victoria's Secret. My spare time was spent working out and hanging out with my girlfriends. I not only loved, but respected the person I was. I knew who I was and where I was going. My goals were clear as day, and, for once in my life, they did not include having a boyfriend. The best part of this chapter in my life was learning my self worth and how I deserved to be treated by others. Never again would I accept being treated poorly by anyone, and I credit that to these crucial years.

After the first year of college flew by, Andrew and I got back in touch on a regular basis, and, I immediately began falling in love with him all over again, but this time as a friend. It was apparent that we had both changed, and that was okay, great in fact. As our friendship grew so did my love for him. This time around love to me was so different then it had been before. It was acceptance, trust, and friendship. Acceptance of the person Andrew was, not of who I wished him to be or who I thought I could change him into. For once, I loved him for him and he loved me for me. Who we were was enough. Trust in the words we spoke and the love we had. And, of course, love meant having a friendship that was honest and fun. What had seemed so complex in previous years was now so simple and sweet. Though this love has greatly intensified and changed in slight ways, the foundation has remained the same from then to now (our 2nd year of marriage).

On December 11, 2012 love as I knew it was forever changed as a nurse gently laid my sweet boy in my arms. Seeing his eyes lock onto mine took my breath away. The love I felt that day and every day since then, is so intense, so overwhelming that it consumes my entire being. It's as if my entire existence before him had no meaning, no real purpose. The love I feel now is one that I will never be able to put into words, though I will spend my whole life trying. If I lost my sight tomorrow I would be content because I have seen my sweet boys face in front of mine. I have stayed up hours staring in awe, memorizing his every feature. The way his hair fights to form in the center of his head. The innocence and purity that fill his perfect brown eyes. The dimples that form at the corners of his mouth when he smiles. If tomorrow I ceased to hear, I would still smile with joy, as the sound of my boy laughing and cooing played over and over in my head. No matter what tomorrow brings, today with my boy brings enough joy, laughter, and love to last a lifetime.

Love has, and will continue to change throughout the years. But one thing that I know is that it only intensifies and gets better with time. I look forward to the years to come...