Love defined.

Over the past (nearly) 4 months, the word 'love' has been completely redefined and brought to life in ways I could never have fully imagined.

When I first began dating Andrew I fell hard and fast. After a few dates I began having strong, unfamiliar feelings towards him; feelings that my naive fifteen year old mind perceived as love. I'm not saying that I didn't love him or that my feelings were wrong, just that they were new emotions that my then-self couldn't quite figure out how to deal with or navigate through.

My teenage self believed love to be about power and control. If he did what I said, he loved me. If I did what he said, he'd never leave. This mentality did more bad than good to our relationship (surprise!) and the 'love' that we had became dangerous, volatile, really. By the time our relationship hit its all time low, there was a new change heading our way. It was time for Andrew and I to head our separate ways as I left for college, and as I said goodbye to him I knew that things with him would never be the same.

By the second semester of my freshmen year I had fallen in love all over again, this time with myself. Up until this point I had never realized how little I knew about the person I was...the person I wanted to be. I was nineteen, taking 21 units, and working full time at Victoria's Secret. My spare time was spent working out and hanging out with my girlfriends. I not only loved, but respected the person I was. I knew who I was and where I was going. My goals were clear as day, and, for once in my life, they did not include having a boyfriend. The best part of this chapter in my life was learning my self worth and how I deserved to be treated by others. Never again would I accept being treated poorly by anyone, and I credit that to these crucial years.

After the first year of college flew by, Andrew and I got back in touch on a regular basis, and, I immediately began falling in love with him all over again, but this time as a friend. It was apparent that we had both changed, and that was okay, great in fact. As our friendship grew so did my love for him. This time around love to me was so different then it had been before. It was acceptance, trust, and friendship. Acceptance of the person Andrew was, not of who I wished him to be or who I thought I could change him into. For once, I loved him for him and he loved me for me. Who we were was enough. Trust in the words we spoke and the love we had. And, of course, love meant having a friendship that was honest and fun. What had seemed so complex in previous years was now so simple and sweet. Though this love has greatly intensified and changed in slight ways, the foundation has remained the same from then to now (our 2nd year of marriage).

On December 11, 2012 love as I knew it was forever changed as a nurse gently laid my sweet boy in my arms. Seeing his eyes lock onto mine took my breath away. The love I felt that day and every day since then, is so intense, so overwhelming that it consumes my entire being. It's as if my entire existence before him had no meaning, no real purpose. The love I feel now is one that I will never be able to put into words, though I will spend my whole life trying. If I lost my sight tomorrow I would be content because I have seen my sweet boys face in front of mine. I have stayed up hours staring in awe, memorizing his every feature. The way his hair fights to form in the center of his head. The innocence and purity that fill his perfect brown eyes. The dimples that form at the corners of his mouth when he smiles. If tomorrow I ceased to hear, I would still smile with joy, as the sound of my boy laughing and cooing played over and over in my head. No matter what tomorrow brings, today with my boy brings enough joy, laughter, and love to last a lifetime.

Love has, and will continue to change throughout the years. But one thing that I know is that it only intensifies and gets better with time. I look forward to the years to come...